saving this statement

:an older post:

change, is the only constant in my life. a life built upon an unstable heap of contradictions. i don't really sleep because of that. i wish i could see what i want more often than i do. i usually quietly settle. i hide behind the me that so many people know. only people i want see what i don't try to be. i should never let down my walls but i break them down as quick as possible to know something is there. when it isn't i have to rebuild them. i want that feeling you get when you lay down in a hotel bed and stare out at all the lights. i want something genuine, relatable, clean. i have that with very few. ive surrounded myself by people who make me happy. everyone has demons, and they creep in alot. people pleaser, im sick of it. i'm just as good as you, don't patronize. i am able to make up my own mind. i've been through things i tell no one. i have mysteries. everyone does, but some people are faulty. more than anything i can't stand how numb i've gotten over something i never really had. it was perfect in my mind, but to the world things didn't add up. i want something like that again, but real this time. i won't bother it though. it doesn't do anyone any good. people shouldn't get so worked up over things that won't get them anywhere. that happens, everyday. i can't get away from it, that why i've made my own path, and im following it. however i might as well have fun here and now, while i still have it. i had to grow up, because if i didn't i'd never be who i am, i would have lost myself in all the webs i find myself caught up in. i learned a long time ago, i had to fight myself out of them or i wouldn't be what i want, i wouldn't have anything. take a look. i'm not near over, im still canvas, i have work to do. however, i know how to do it now, and i know i can. impulse it trouble, but impulse is fun. know no limit, but careful the tale you tell.